The University's Mental Gymnasium

   WE all know well enough that there is nothing whatever wrong with our Debating System. You get this idea when you see the squad in action. Here is no garrulous group of diacritical dilettantes, as some suppose, but a busy bunch intent on doing something worth while, presided over by a professor who knows how to do it. The cream of University debaters is skimmed early in the fall by a committee appointed for that purpose. The members get together in the squad room at 7:15 the same night they are picked, and untangle at 10:30 the night of the debate, two months later. Usually a quorum is present at 7 o'clock, ready for business.
   "A-a-a-ahem, lady and gentlemen of the seminary," says the presiding officer. "Get the machinery of your course into operation! Announcements! If you have any communication to make to the officer in charge of the course, write it on one of these cards and leave on the desk. System! Method! That's the kind of work that counts! That's what makes men write that this is the best course they ever took! Mr. Garrett, your report on Affirmative Plan!"
   Mike starts out: "According to Naval Constructor T. G. Roberts and R. P. Hobson --"
   "Roberts! Hobson! Biased witnesses! Roberts admitted he was a liar to the Steenerson Committee! Hobson is a man of undesirable notoriety! Did too much kissing! Watch out for that!"
   Garrett continues: "-- the need of the navy is" and so on to the end. He is then greeted by "fine! Go-o-od stuff! Clear! Succinct! A short-jah, steel-trap piece of reasoning! What does the University want done with this?" from the instructor.   After threshing out and hashing up committee reports for about a month, another aggregation of judges is selected at random, who shake the names of the squad members up in Dr. Maxey's hat and draw forth the names of the six members of the teams. They do not admit this, but a full majority of the squad insists that's how it is done. Then we go on another month, grinding out committee reports, to the number of fifty, the System working more smoothly all the time. At last the fatal day comes, the negative team is sent into the enemy's camp, and the visitors are entertained. The unspeaking, or unspeakable, squad members help to construct a neat breastwork of authorities for the home team, then retire into the audience to watch the first man "bat" for Nebraska. As they hear the thunder of oratory reverberate among the rafters, they picture a similar occasion next year when another man shall be making the welkin ring.
   And for each silent partner the image of the Next-Year Man bears a different likeness.

   TOTAL scores of season: Nebraska 2; Opponents 4.
   In "bringing home the bacon," our debating teams were not this year so successful as some former teams have been, yet the above syllabus is in some respects misleading.
   In our controversy with IOWA, which took place in Lincoln on December 7, we attempted to float a ship subsidy proposition, but it foundered within two hours after being launched. Mr. Goldstein christened the hulk, "Mike Garrett," fired a passing salute, and Raymond made a few very timely and well-chosen remarks directly bearing on the occasion. Dr. Maxey and the Governor were of great assistance in keeping order among the crowd, for which service the management wishes to extend thanks. The audience was only with difficulty persuaded that but one of the judges, apparently, was susceptible to reason. Following the debate. a number of the rooters flocked to the Music Room of the Temple, where the band played dance music with the usual result.

   At Minneapolis we locked horns with MINNESOTA on the same problem, endeavoring to storm their subsidy rampart, but with unfortunate results. Mr. Rein led our advance with his usual eloquence, Harold Prince made a sally at the navy auxiliary outpost, and then Jean Hargrave, almost distracted because of two months of interrupted "fussing," came up with a gatling gun attack. Professor Fogg, who had escorted the boys on their trip, applauded vigorously at the end of each and every act. As at Lincoln, two of the judges were almost persuaded.
   Aside from the decisions, our last debating season was very successful. A great quantity of material, including several hundred Consular Reports, was thoroughly investigated, and a great deal of hard honest work was done by the squad. The silent partners in the fray, Ben Harrison and C. L. Clark, were on the job practically night and day. Prospects for next year are bright, as the enthusiasts are to start work in the spring, instead of waiting until fall.
Z. C. DICKINSON.